A most unusual sporting day took place where unusually athleticism was not required as the competitors were judged on style, wit, intellect and cut of trouser.

The events embraced the absurd and brought with it a different sort of competitive spirit, showing what we British do best; dressing inappropriately, drinking Hendricks’ & tonics, and making complete buffoons of ourselves.

1 o’clock ~ The opening of the Games commenced at 1pm sharp with the lighting of the Olympiad Pipe and a leisurely amble around the gardens by all the competitors.

The following ten Track & Field events took place:

Martini Knockout Relay: Teams competed to mix a dry martini, without the aid of their butlers

Umbrella Hockey: Teams of 10 used their brollies to propel a bowler hat to certain doom.

The Pipe Smokers’ Relay: A lit pipe was passed between six teams of three along a 400-yard course.

The Three-Trousered Limbo: Pairs of contestants shared enormous trousers & wriggled under a steadily lowered pole.

Neck-tie Kwon Do: Contestants armed only with the finest silk neckwear attempted to Windsor Knot each other.

Curling: Teams of three propelled a perouke with curling tongs, grooming the grass to speed it along.

The Hendrick’s Steeplechase: The nags were gentlemen, the jockeys were ladies. Hurdles were inflatable mobile phones, burgers and “chav” mannequins.

Hop, Skip and G&T: Contestants leapt into the abyss holding a Hendrick’s gin and tonic. Points were deducted for any spillages.

Bounders: Six cads approached six ladies and whispered savoury nothings. The winner was the recipient of the loudest slap.

Freestyle Dash: Entrants brought their OWN VEHICLES, which could be anything from a pogo stick to a bath chair. Only motorised vehicles and living animals were prohibited.

5 o’clock ~ The Hendrick’s & Chap Olympiad 2007 officially ended with an awards ceremony where the competitors’ points were tallied up and the winners rewarded with gold, silver and bronze cravats which was followed by a victory sashay (running would be too uncouth) around the garden.

See past events... 2005 2006